OK, its still my free saturday, just a few hours after i had written the other short post. The dvd guy that im close to suggested for me to watch this movie. its called AN AMERICAN CRIME.
its the first ever movie i CRIED...EVER
seriously....
its a true story and read more on it after i watched the movie with tears down my eyes...i cant believe something like this can happen to someone~
Times like these i feel very grateful that i have a loving family which would never leave me, and never would stop loving me....and i would never stop loving them~
Saturday, 7 November 2009
panadol extra
you bet this was a super-duper busy month. I think i only go in my room after 10pm to sleep. and the worst thing is that i get really dizzy at night and have to settle down with a panadol extra so that i can sleep straight away.
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.
Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.
I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.
Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.
I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)
Thursday, 8 October 2009
naked man and naked woman
I just finished an hour at the gym, i need the exercise as i seem to increase in size the moment i stop working out. Me and my friend always walk back home from the gym, no matter rain or shine and nothing ever bothered us, not the dusty pavements, not the noise or even the abundant cars along the road...that is, until one day...
We came out a bit later than usual from the gym, we walked back side by side while talking along the way. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a burst of pain on the right side of my shoulder. I turned my head as quickly as i could, my left hand clutching my shoulder as the pain radiated down my whole arm. My eyes caught the deep stare of this half naked woman staring at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out. Thats when i realized that she had punched me with all her strength, and looked like she wanted to do it again. I dont know the reason why she did it, except that she was not in her right state of mind, said my friend who told me she always saw her along the road.
My next encounter was not that scary, except for the fact that it was dark, silent and i was ALONE.
After finishing my dinner at a local eatery near my place, i decided at that very second that i wanted to go buy some dvds. I took the angkot as i did not bring my car at the time. The dvd seller smiled at me, gave his usual recommendations of movies that he knew i liked, and i ended up buying more than i had money in my pocket to pay with. The dvd seller knew me well, and he said i did not need to pay the rest of it. But i still did not have that 1k to pay my angkot fee back. so i decided to walk, i looked at my watch, it was nearly 9. its ok, i told myself,im used to it...
I took the small black bag full of dvds, and kept staring at the ground, as i walked back. There were not many people around, 2 guys were walking in front of me. Suddenly, i heard hushed voices as they quickened their steps. Wondering what was going on, i looked past them, but as quickly, looked another way again. Oh my God, it was a naked man, walking towards me. I walked as closely as possible to the 2 boys in front of me, and they as quickly, was walking away as well!
To my dismay, they took a turning to somewhere else, and i was left all alone on the street to face the man who was also not in his right state of mind. I didnt know where to look, look up, and i would see his scary face, look down and err, i see err something else pulak kan..huhu...so i looked to my left, breathing prayers as fast as the wind so that he would just pass on peacefully. He slowed his step as we nearly bumped into each other....slowly, slowly, until he came to an abrupt stop beside me. I wanted to scream or run, but i knew if i did that, things would turn out worse. He stopped, glanced at me, with a half sad- half mad face, and finally decided to walk away.
YOu bet i ran ALL the way home!
I didnt write this today just to tell you about my experience with naked people, (pun unintended) because i bet my friends here have experienced a lot of this as well.
i was just thinking that I go through my daily life quite satisfactorily, i dont think i have any reason not to be happy, and yet here i am always feeling sad and unhappy without a reason to be so. I have everything needed to live a normal life, have people that care for and love me, and yet i do seem ungrateful at times.
What if i was like the really lonely people out there, the naked man, the naked woman. who do not have anyone to love them, feed them, or even clothe them. Would i be someone walking along a dusty road, avoided and shunned by the public.
And i would be alone, all alone...i wonder how would that feel~
Guess i just want to thank God that im alive and well...
PS:
~1 year ago, i made a deal with God...no one knows what it is...but God knows i didnt quite keep my part of the deal
~Theres this really nice book that a friend gave to me, and i like to read this part of the Du`a, although i havent done it for quite some time...
YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADA MU DARI RASA GELISAH DAN SEDIH, DARI KELEMAHAN DAN KEMALASAN, DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL, DARI TEKANAN HUTANG, DAN KESEWENANGAN ORANG
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN BADANKU
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENDNGARANKU
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENGLIHATANKU
ps ps::
im sorry about the bad posts and updates, im actually working on something at the moment, which must be kept a secret until it has succeeded..sorrry!!
We came out a bit later than usual from the gym, we walked back side by side while talking along the way. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a burst of pain on the right side of my shoulder. I turned my head as quickly as i could, my left hand clutching my shoulder as the pain radiated down my whole arm. My eyes caught the deep stare of this half naked woman staring at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out. Thats when i realized that she had punched me with all her strength, and looked like she wanted to do it again. I dont know the reason why she did it, except that she was not in her right state of mind, said my friend who told me she always saw her along the road.
My next encounter was not that scary, except for the fact that it was dark, silent and i was ALONE.
After finishing my dinner at a local eatery near my place, i decided at that very second that i wanted to go buy some dvds. I took the angkot as i did not bring my car at the time. The dvd seller smiled at me, gave his usual recommendations of movies that he knew i liked, and i ended up buying more than i had money in my pocket to pay with. The dvd seller knew me well, and he said i did not need to pay the rest of it. But i still did not have that 1k to pay my angkot fee back. so i decided to walk, i looked at my watch, it was nearly 9. its ok, i told myself,im used to it...
I took the small black bag full of dvds, and kept staring at the ground, as i walked back. There were not many people around, 2 guys were walking in front of me. Suddenly, i heard hushed voices as they quickened their steps. Wondering what was going on, i looked past them, but as quickly, looked another way again. Oh my God, it was a naked man, walking towards me. I walked as closely as possible to the 2 boys in front of me, and they as quickly, was walking away as well!
To my dismay, they took a turning to somewhere else, and i was left all alone on the street to face the man who was also not in his right state of mind. I didnt know where to look, look up, and i would see his scary face, look down and err, i see err something else pulak kan..huhu...so i looked to my left, breathing prayers as fast as the wind so that he would just pass on peacefully. He slowed his step as we nearly bumped into each other....slowly, slowly, until he came to an abrupt stop beside me. I wanted to scream or run, but i knew if i did that, things would turn out worse. He stopped, glanced at me, with a half sad- half mad face, and finally decided to walk away.
YOu bet i ran ALL the way home!
I didnt write this today just to tell you about my experience with naked people, (pun unintended) because i bet my friends here have experienced a lot of this as well.
i was just thinking that I go through my daily life quite satisfactorily, i dont think i have any reason not to be happy, and yet here i am always feeling sad and unhappy without a reason to be so. I have everything needed to live a normal life, have people that care for and love me, and yet i do seem ungrateful at times.
What if i was like the really lonely people out there, the naked man, the naked woman. who do not have anyone to love them, feed them, or even clothe them. Would i be someone walking along a dusty road, avoided and shunned by the public.
And i would be alone, all alone...i wonder how would that feel~
Guess i just want to thank God that im alive and well...
PS:
~1 year ago, i made a deal with God...no one knows what it is...but God knows i didnt quite keep my part of the deal
~Theres this really nice book that a friend gave to me, and i like to read this part of the Du`a, although i havent done it for quite some time...
YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADA MU DARI RASA GELISAH DAN SEDIH, DARI KELEMAHAN DAN KEMALASAN, DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL, DARI TEKANAN HUTANG, DAN KESEWENANGAN ORANG
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN BADANKU
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENDNGARANKU
YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENGLIHATANKU
ps ps::
im sorry about the bad posts and updates, im actually working on something at the moment, which must be kept a secret until it has succeeded..sorrry!!
Thursday, 1 October 2009
michael jackson and zain bhika- give thanks to Allah
Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir
Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over all.
Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir
Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over al
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
i like this
D'Masiv - Jangan Menyerah
Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi
Kita pasti pernah
Dapatkan cobaan yang berat
Seakan hidup ini
Tak ada artinya lagi
Syukuri apa yang ada
Hidup adalah anugerah
Tetap jalani hidup ini
Melakukan yang terbaik
Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi
Tuhan pasti kan menunjukkan
Kebesaran dan kuasanya
Bagi hambanya yang sabar
Dan tak kenal putus asa
simple resolutions
ok, even though we have gone through 2 weeks this year, but its best that i do my resolution now, before i get too far back...
RESOLUTION FROM NOW AND 2010 ABOVE
(weird title, but dont know how else to say it)
1. keep my end of the promise to God
2. Love and respect my parents even more
3. stop taking things for granted, work harder for what i want
4. smile even more, since my tooth looks prettier now..haha
5. be forgiving, be kind, be loving, be caring
6. if someone does something to me, hopefully i can just brush it off and walk away
7. stop gossiping or mengumpating..haha...seriously
8. wake up early (and not like umm..5 minutes before class)
9. want to be funny but not silly
10. accept myself for who i am, and never lose my identity
RESOLUTION FROM NOW AND 2010 ABOVE
(weird title, but dont know how else to say it)
1. keep my end of the promise to God
2. Love and respect my parents even more
3. stop taking things for granted, work harder for what i want
4. smile even more, since my tooth looks prettier now..haha
5. be forgiving, be kind, be loving, be caring
6. if someone does something to me, hopefully i can just brush it off and walk away
7. stop gossiping or mengumpating..haha...seriously
8. wake up early (and not like umm..5 minutes before class)
9. want to be funny but not silly
10. accept myself for who i am, and never lose my identity
Monday, 21 September 2009
moreh ..(is that how you spell it)
this was during ramadhan in tronoh
we had a small moreh at the masjid
raya quickie!
Selamat hari raya everyone!
1. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU DONT LOVE GOD ENOUGH AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU
When? its when you have your terawih prayers and think about which baju raya to wear, the red or the pink one. You take Him for granted, but HE is always there to help you when you need Him. =(
2. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR CATS CAN CHANGE
When? when your sister brings back a cat named Bali who terrorizes you even when you are watching tv. Or when he jumps over you as if you were a highway. Or when he bites you for no reason. You dont understand if he likes you or hates you as he bites at ONLY YOU!aiyoo
3. WHEN YOU REALIZE SOME OTHER PEOPLE NEED MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT THEN YOU FORGET ABOUT IT THE NEXT SECOND
When? when you go shopping at a factory outlet one night and suddenly stumble upon a small girl selling newspaper. When you want to offer her some money she doesnt take it, but instead just wants to sell the papers so she can go home. She looks at your bountiful plastic bags full of clothes and says 'teh, lg bli baju untuk lebaran ya?' 'saya gA ada baju baru untuk lebaran'. and you quickly go in the shop to buy her something for raya, but look out the window to see that she had already gone somewhere else. you cant buy anything for her, and instead start buying some other clothes for yourself. bummer!
4. WHEN YOU REALIZE SYAITAN DIIKAT WAKTU RAMADHAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT ...?
When? when you sleep one night and suddenly wake up to find this huge gray thing looming on top of you. and the sound of all the clocks suddenly tick loudly as the thing closes in on you. then you hear the running of small feet in your room and as you pray really really hard, it all goes away..then you pick up your handphone, look at the clock..its midnight!
5. WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT RAYA IS ABOUT
FOOD
FAMILY
FUN!!
ps: am in perak now, havent taken a bath, had a blast enjoying with family in nilai and kajang yesterday..will update soon!
1. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU DONT LOVE GOD ENOUGH AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU
When? its when you have your terawih prayers and think about which baju raya to wear, the red or the pink one. You take Him for granted, but HE is always there to help you when you need Him. =(
2. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR CATS CAN CHANGE
When? when your sister brings back a cat named Bali who terrorizes you even when you are watching tv. Or when he jumps over you as if you were a highway. Or when he bites you for no reason. You dont understand if he likes you or hates you as he bites at ONLY YOU!aiyoo
3. WHEN YOU REALIZE SOME OTHER PEOPLE NEED MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT THEN YOU FORGET ABOUT IT THE NEXT SECOND
When? when you go shopping at a factory outlet one night and suddenly stumble upon a small girl selling newspaper. When you want to offer her some money she doesnt take it, but instead just wants to sell the papers so she can go home. She looks at your bountiful plastic bags full of clothes and says 'teh, lg bli baju untuk lebaran ya?' 'saya gA ada baju baru untuk lebaran'. and you quickly go in the shop to buy her something for raya, but look out the window to see that she had already gone somewhere else. you cant buy anything for her, and instead start buying some other clothes for yourself. bummer!
4. WHEN YOU REALIZE SYAITAN DIIKAT WAKTU RAMADHAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT ...?
When? when you sleep one night and suddenly wake up to find this huge gray thing looming on top of you. and the sound of all the clocks suddenly tick loudly as the thing closes in on you. then you hear the running of small feet in your room and as you pray really really hard, it all goes away..then you pick up your handphone, look at the clock..its midnight!
5. WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT RAYA IS ABOUT
FOOD
FAMILY
FUN!!
ps: am in perak now, havent taken a bath, had a blast enjoying with family in nilai and kajang yesterday..will update soon!
Monday, 14 September 2009
air asia and the 15 kilos
MONOLOGUE
I cant sleep...been tossing and turning for a good 2 hours while watching the departed on tv. Bubu has been sleeping soundly since 11 pm, i got a chance to squeeze in some sleep for about 15 minutes, but it was a nasty sleep, i kept waking up every few seconds.
Thought of getting some milk from the fridge, it works most of the time, but no milk was left in the fridge..most were given as sacrifice to Bubu for a peace offering. I remembered there was some left over downstairs and decided to have an early sahur. Went down, chose what i wanted and went up again to watch tv in my room. TV DINNER\sahur..
Anyway, while i was eating, i suddenly remembered the last time i packed my stuff to come here. Mom always lectures me about how i always pack excess luggage. There were lots that i wanted to bring back to Indonesia, but you know Airasia, its just ridiculous.i mean who in the world travels less than 15 kilos (i know some friends who do though). but i dont. so this time, i really wanted to try to lessen the weight of my luggage because most of the time mom would have to pay for excess luggage as if she bought another ticket. i brought a hand luggage and a bag to check in. I tried stuffing in so much in the hand luggage until the bag for check in was less than 15 kilos. and i was definitely so proud of that achievement. it would be my first time ever without excess luggage in uhhh.. 3 years!
Mom saw what i was trying to do, the hand luggage was already around 10 kilos, but i was happy, i wont have any excess luggage this time. She walked into my rrom in Kajang and said, `nadya, i wont have you carrying a heavy bag around` `maa!its just a short walk, i can carry it` i answered. but she just shook her head, and took out some things to put in the other luggage. She said,`i know i always blab to you about how much your bag weighs all the time, but i wont have you carrying this heavy bag, i dont mind paying as long as you dont carry anything heavy`
wow...thats my mom...i know it sounds like a small thing, but to me, it showed how much my mom loved me...aww..i miss my mom..she does sacrifice a lot for me and for all of us...i just miss her and cant wait to go back for raya.
I cant sleep...been tossing and turning for a good 2 hours while watching the departed on tv. Bubu has been sleeping soundly since 11 pm, i got a chance to squeeze in some sleep for about 15 minutes, but it was a nasty sleep, i kept waking up every few seconds.
Thought of getting some milk from the fridge, it works most of the time, but no milk was left in the fridge..most were given as sacrifice to Bubu for a peace offering. I remembered there was some left over downstairs and decided to have an early sahur. Went down, chose what i wanted and went up again to watch tv in my room. TV DINNER\sahur..
Anyway, while i was eating, i suddenly remembered the last time i packed my stuff to come here. Mom always lectures me about how i always pack excess luggage. There were lots that i wanted to bring back to Indonesia, but you know Airasia, its just ridiculous.i mean who in the world travels less than 15 kilos (i know some friends who do though). but i dont. so this time, i really wanted to try to lessen the weight of my luggage because most of the time mom would have to pay for excess luggage as if she bought another ticket. i brought a hand luggage and a bag to check in. I tried stuffing in so much in the hand luggage until the bag for check in was less than 15 kilos. and i was definitely so proud of that achievement. it would be my first time ever without excess luggage in uhhh.. 3 years!
Mom saw what i was trying to do, the hand luggage was already around 10 kilos, but i was happy, i wont have any excess luggage this time. She walked into my rrom in Kajang and said, `nadya, i wont have you carrying a heavy bag around` `maa!its just a short walk, i can carry it` i answered. but she just shook her head, and took out some things to put in the other luggage. She said,`i know i always blab to you about how much your bag weighs all the time, but i wont have you carrying this heavy bag, i dont mind paying as long as you dont carry anything heavy`
wow...thats my mom...i know it sounds like a small thing, but to me, it showed how much my mom loved me...aww..i miss my mom..she does sacrifice a lot for me and for all of us...i just miss her and cant wait to go back for raya.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
thanking you for another breath of life...~
The last few days of Ramadhan is said to be as one of the most sacred days awaited by many. At 3 in the morning today, i was woken up by my housemate to go to the Qiamulail(special prayers performed in the early morning), my red eyes popped open as i dragged myself on my feet and with just my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, washed the groggy look of my face and set off to do our prayers in the wee morning at the university mosque. The air was chilly as i hugged myself in my old pink sweater and the wind bit like frost underneath the clear black sky.
As i laid my praying mat on the brown carpet of the mosque, i glanced to my left and my gaze was met by 2 friends of mine who lived somewhat far away from the university. Curiously, i asked them, how in the world did they get here, as there were no transportations from where they lived to the university at such time. With a shy smile, one answered, `we went out, and just left it in God`s hands whether or not he wanted to provide us with some means to go to this morning prayer`. `surprisingly,there was an ojek (motorcycle) waiting for us across the road! Maybe, when you put your heart to do something good, God will always help you` said the other one.(they didnt exactly use those words =p)I smiled to myself, how very true were their words, it was a reminder to me about what i wrote in an entry before. If you pray to get closer to God, God doesnt give you closeness, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to get close to HIM. As we prayed that morning, i felt a sense of peace and calm to be amongst the lucky ones to wake up and pray to Allah...
After a nice sahur at the mosque, we parted our ways and each went to bed again. My tired eyes were shut for a mere 2 hours when Bubu the cat got hungry and began clawing at my hair. It was still early and i didnt have the strength to get up, but Bubu became even more persistent and agitated. At nearly the same time, my housemate came barging into my room and jumped on my bed without so much as a good morning. `not you again!` i grumbled jokingly as she played with Bubu. After squinting for a while, i finally got up and gave Bubu his breakfast. It was only around 7 at the time and the sun was just beginning to rise.
I spent the whole morning and afternoon talking to my friend, playing with Bubu and cleaning up my room. It was nice to have a really restful weekend at last. suddenly, i remembered that i was to have dinner with a friend tonight. So at around 3 in the afternoon, i took a really late bath, and waited until the Asar prayers before proceeding to go out making it only 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.
As i shifted into gear on the highway to Bandung, my eyes were slowly fluttering every now and then out of sleepiness. I pressed the pedal harder, speeding to get to town faster as i was a bit late and should have been there a good half an hour before. I was going at about 130kmh with sleepy eyes when suddenly, a black avanza in front of me stopped abruptly in the middle of the highway.I was so near the car that it took me by surprise as i wasnt paying much attention on the road. My heart skipped a beat as i estimated that i couldnt brake in time, the silver CRV behind me was tailing right behind and was so near.in mere seconds, I had to choose between a devastating crash with a car in front, crash with the divider on the side or be knocked dead by the car behind.
Fleeting memories and pictures of my whole life flashed through my mind as i pressed down on the brake as far and hard as i could. Even with the brake fully down, i knew there was no way i could escape from hitting straight into the back of the avanza. With trembling hands, i took a risk and swirved to the right,barely inches from the divider and the car in front.At the same time, my eyes stood transfixed at the rearview mirrow as the speeding CRV behind didnt notice me in time. With the only strength i had, i turned the wheels as fast as i could and the CRV braked with such force behind me that his wheels practically grinded the tar beneath and smoke started to develop beneath them. It was exactly like in the movies, the screeching tyres and the heart-thumping seconds between life and death as the crash was just able to be stopped in time. It was awful! Sweat poured from my face as i replayed it in my mind again and again, my hands were still trembling and all the blood from my face seemed to have vanished as i was so scared from the incident, i just blanked out.
After a few moments, realizing i was still alive, i quickly regained driving and got back on the road. We were lucky, all 3 cars because what happened was, there was an accident right in front of us. And we were the cars behind that got lucky not to have been trapped in the same accident! I was in a state of shock and disbelief at avoiding such a catastrophe, the feeling of being seconds away from death is not something that i would want to experience again..ever!
I said my prayers, and continued the drive slowly and wide awake this time. I kept thinking what would have happened if i didnt brake in time.
**Note to self, please never drive alone when you are sleepy!
So..I guess its true what they say, the last few days of ramadhan are really sacred. Today, i learnt 2 valuable lessons which ill try to always remember.
#1. IN WHATEVER YOU DO, ALWAYS PLACE GOD AS YOUR FIRST REASON, AND IN HIS OWN WAY, HE WILL MAKE IT ABLE FOR YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO..
#2. DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED, DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU MAY LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW, AS YOUR LIFE CAN BE TAKEN AWAY ANYTIME AT ALL
AND OOH YEAHH
#3. DO NOT DRIVE AT 130KMH WHILE YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP!!!huhu
**At only 22, i dont want to die yet, i still have so many things so go through, so many experiences to live upon, so many wrongs to right....The incident jolted me back to reality on how i havent been thankful enough for what we all have...which is the simple gift of LIFE. If God wanted to take me away at that very moment, he could easily have. Instead, he gave me another chance, another breath of life.......~
As i laid my praying mat on the brown carpet of the mosque, i glanced to my left and my gaze was met by 2 friends of mine who lived somewhat far away from the university. Curiously, i asked them, how in the world did they get here, as there were no transportations from where they lived to the university at such time. With a shy smile, one answered, `we went out, and just left it in God`s hands whether or not he wanted to provide us with some means to go to this morning prayer`. `surprisingly,there was an ojek (motorcycle) waiting for us across the road! Maybe, when you put your heart to do something good, God will always help you` said the other one.(they didnt exactly use those words =p)I smiled to myself, how very true were their words, it was a reminder to me about what i wrote in an entry before. If you pray to get closer to God, God doesnt give you closeness, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to get close to HIM. As we prayed that morning, i felt a sense of peace and calm to be amongst the lucky ones to wake up and pray to Allah...
After a nice sahur at the mosque, we parted our ways and each went to bed again. My tired eyes were shut for a mere 2 hours when Bubu the cat got hungry and began clawing at my hair. It was still early and i didnt have the strength to get up, but Bubu became even more persistent and agitated. At nearly the same time, my housemate came barging into my room and jumped on my bed without so much as a good morning. `not you again!` i grumbled jokingly as she played with Bubu. After squinting for a while, i finally got up and gave Bubu his breakfast. It was only around 7 at the time and the sun was just beginning to rise.
I spent the whole morning and afternoon talking to my friend, playing with Bubu and cleaning up my room. It was nice to have a really restful weekend at last. suddenly, i remembered that i was to have dinner with a friend tonight. So at around 3 in the afternoon, i took a really late bath, and waited until the Asar prayers before proceeding to go out making it only 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.
As i shifted into gear on the highway to Bandung, my eyes were slowly fluttering every now and then out of sleepiness. I pressed the pedal harder, speeding to get to town faster as i was a bit late and should have been there a good half an hour before. I was going at about 130kmh with sleepy eyes when suddenly, a black avanza in front of me stopped abruptly in the middle of the highway.I was so near the car that it took me by surprise as i wasnt paying much attention on the road. My heart skipped a beat as i estimated that i couldnt brake in time, the silver CRV behind me was tailing right behind and was so near.in mere seconds, I had to choose between a devastating crash with a car in front, crash with the divider on the side or be knocked dead by the car behind.
Fleeting memories and pictures of my whole life flashed through my mind as i pressed down on the brake as far and hard as i could. Even with the brake fully down, i knew there was no way i could escape from hitting straight into the back of the avanza. With trembling hands, i took a risk and swirved to the right,barely inches from the divider and the car in front.At the same time, my eyes stood transfixed at the rearview mirrow as the speeding CRV behind didnt notice me in time. With the only strength i had, i turned the wheels as fast as i could and the CRV braked with such force behind me that his wheels practically grinded the tar beneath and smoke started to develop beneath them. It was exactly like in the movies, the screeching tyres and the heart-thumping seconds between life and death as the crash was just able to be stopped in time. It was awful! Sweat poured from my face as i replayed it in my mind again and again, my hands were still trembling and all the blood from my face seemed to have vanished as i was so scared from the incident, i just blanked out.
After a few moments, realizing i was still alive, i quickly regained driving and got back on the road. We were lucky, all 3 cars because what happened was, there was an accident right in front of us. And we were the cars behind that got lucky not to have been trapped in the same accident! I was in a state of shock and disbelief at avoiding such a catastrophe, the feeling of being seconds away from death is not something that i would want to experience again..ever!
I said my prayers, and continued the drive slowly and wide awake this time. I kept thinking what would have happened if i didnt brake in time.
**Note to self, please never drive alone when you are sleepy!
So..I guess its true what they say, the last few days of ramadhan are really sacred. Today, i learnt 2 valuable lessons which ill try to always remember.
#1. IN WHATEVER YOU DO, ALWAYS PLACE GOD AS YOUR FIRST REASON, AND IN HIS OWN WAY, HE WILL MAKE IT ABLE FOR YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO..
#2. DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED, DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU MAY LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW, AS YOUR LIFE CAN BE TAKEN AWAY ANYTIME AT ALL
AND OOH YEAHH
#3. DO NOT DRIVE AT 130KMH WHILE YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP!!!huhu
**At only 22, i dont want to die yet, i still have so many things so go through, so many experiences to live upon, so many wrongs to right....The incident jolted me back to reality on how i havent been thankful enough for what we all have...which is the simple gift of LIFE. If God wanted to take me away at that very moment, he could easily have. Instead, he gave me another chance, another breath of life.......~
Friday, 11 September 2009
today is a friday...
today is the 3rd day of my life with boo boo..(or bubu) i havent decided yet which..so far he has been of no trouble at all. he doesnt meow, practically just gives a squeak every now and then after he gets bored of playing by himself. I went out to town from morning until night yesterday, and left booboo in the oilet with some food, water and the door left just enough for him to squeeze through if he wanted to. i was worried the whole day, whether he got scared or lonely in the cold bathroom (although i did supply a box and some towels in a corner), but my worries were rest assured as when i came back home, booboo bounded happily towards the door. no poop or pee outside the bathroom and he looked happy to see me! i hope he sticks with this attitude forever.
i have classes at 7 today, and as usual i havent finished my assignment. argh...i went out to bandung yesterday with a friend. I am trying out this one project, which hopefully succeeds and that was the reason i went out. but ill tell you about it one day, just not now. after buying all the things needed for the project, we went for a spa which turned out to be not that relaxing as they used ice cubes, ouch! i broke one of my favourite heels and oh yeah, i finally stopped by petronas yesterday for the first time..haha
anyway, i have to write loads of things about viruses and all...must focus on that first..but my eyes are red already. will update more later..take care!
Thursday, 10 September 2009
is it boo boo or bubu or bubur!
morning again! i seem to be up early nowadays, and thats a good thing right.=)
i came back home yesterday afternoon after around an hour of blank gaze during tutorial. i couldnt pick up what everyone was saying after the tutorial break as my brain normally malfunctions at around that time. coming back home tired, the house cat named Omer entered my room nonchalantly. This orange cat of my friends, is a humongous orange cat unlike garfield minus the obesity. As he purred and rubbed against my legs, i squatted down and talked to him like i always do. I asked him, where had he been...had he seen his girlfriend today...and so on. Omer doesnt mind me talking to him, and the reason why i never had a cat here was that i loved him a lot. But nowadays, hes a grown boy and he doesnt come back home often, i thought as i rubbed his dirty chin. Looking in his eyes, i whispered, Omer, please bring me a kitten to take care.~
At precisely that time, i suddenly heard the pityful meow of a kitten from the back of the house. I ran to the balcony and saw this teeny form of a kitten wandering aimlessly in the paddy fields! it was meowing at the top of its lungs, whether from hunger or just calling for someone to love him (i think its a boy), i shall never know. but at that moment, i ran as fast as i could, could this be...the cat that i was finding for!!
Maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was just a hungry cat, but the scraggly kitten came running and running towards me as if it knew that i was going to take him HOME. it was such a heartbreaking moment, really! I brought him to my room and petted him for a bit, when suddenly Omer came into the room to see what the fuss was all about. When he saw that some other being was in my room, he literally dived onto the poor kitten and nearly broke its bone! i was horrified!! Omer! how could you!! he gave me an ugly look, which must have meant `i hate you!` and looked sharply at the kitten who was now so scared, his legs were shaking like a chicken.
I gave the kitten a bath, and decided to name it BOo BOo, because, suddenly, i cant think of another name! owh dear, maybe i should put up a contest on who can name my kitten...anyone has any ideas what to name it..anyway, as for now, its boo boo, and boo boo has been very good in the past hours. he doesnt meow loudly, which is good and he did potty train himself. the only thing that irritated me was when i tried to get some sleep last night, but he kept wanting to sleep on the bed with me and after some attempts at scolding him, i finally caved in as his tear drop eyes looked at me as if to say `i love you`...
**ps: i hope nothing happens to boo boo, unlike my hamsters!
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
good morning!!
good morning world!
its 5.40 am in indonesia and i am halfway through my utter most horrible assignment, due at 9 today. only my study lamp is on, and the rest of the room is dark, as if it is night. but it isnt, and i could get cranky by midday because of lack of sleep..owh dear!
anyway, i woke up with a start this morning. as my phone which doubles as the only alarm in the world that i can hear, woke me up with a startle and i accidentally dropped it under the bed. as it rang the second time, i lazily reached out under, but as it was too far, i fell right down from the bed with it. what an early morning start. and i didnt have time to have my morning coffee *grumble*. but i did manage to gulp down some water before the mark of sahur has come to an end.
im wearing my new pink cotton baju kurung today. want to post a picture, but maybe a little later as im still in my jammies...~
anyway, as my teacher used to say, lets pray that today would be better than yesterday..have a great wednesday people!
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
the scrapbook and the paper shredder
when i was smaller, i once asked mom to take a couple of coloured paper to her office to shred. They were bright yellow a4 sized papers, to make the borders of my scrapbook which had to be done for school. so I asked mom to shred the coloured paper to make mini squiggly borders on the sides of each page, and if mom forgot to shred them, i would throw a tantrum, getting mad at her, as i would be late in doing my nice scrapbook. Mom would always just say, `sorry,sorry,sorry..mama forgot, i`ll do it tomorrow ok`..and i would frown tight-lipped as i thought about how i was ever going to be able to do the borders now!
Everyone had to do the scrapbook project, and it was some sort of competition, who made the most beautiful scrapbook with neat hand writing and beautiful cartoon pictures. We would even go out on weekends to find the fanciest paper for the cover, and even nicer covers for the pages inside. At school, we would marvel at each others development and compete to see who would end up with the nicest scrapbook of all.
I would bug mom and dad all day to take me to the nearest bookstore so that i could show off to my friends about how my scrapbook would be the fanciest. Each page was done with care so as to appear neat and tidy. Mom and dad must have had a headache watching me meticulously doing it again and again, and spending their money on it. But, who cares, as long as we have the nicest scrapbook right! And i sure wanted to hand in my scrapbook on time, making sure it would be the best.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The reason why i remembered this piece of memory, was when mom called just now. They had just finished their prayers at 11 o`clock at night from the mosque and are now safely tucked in our orange house in perak. We talked for awhile, but actually, i wasnt focusing on our conversation, my mind was thinking about how i always take for granted that mom and dad would always be there when i called, when i needed them...i forgot how precious every single time i have to talk or spend with my mom and dad was.
What triggered this thought was when i went with some friends to help out at the earthquake site,where a lot of them had lost everything, if not food, water, shelter, then loved ones. I dont mean to sound all mushy, and goody two shoe-d...but its just that sometimes we forget things can be taken from us at any time in our lives.. and the point is, the only thing i dont want taken away from me is my mother and father......
I always take them for granted, when i run out of money, with just a phone call,mom would drive out to the bank and put in double the amount i needed. If it was my birthday, they would always write me beautiful notes in my birthday card chosen with lots of love. They were ALWAYS there...ALWAYS..i cant imagine what would happen to me if they werent...
REcently, we just celebrated dads 60th birthday..both my parents are aged as it is, and even the process of watching them slowly aging is really sad to see.. they were both succesful and were on the fast track for such a long time that it is really different to see them slow down.....and they are slowing down. They walk slower, they forget easily, and they take things one at a time.
Yasmin ahmad once told her mother, she wants her mother to die first. because if she herself died first, then there would be no one to take care of her mother. Thats a really noble thing to say, if you think about it. Because,my wish on the other hand is very selfish...i would always pray that i die before my parents do...because i cant bear to live without them....i really cant....i just cant.....~
you see...Mom and dad are like a scrapbook which i should always do as best as i can...fill them with pretty pictures of sweet memories, make them even more precious with their perfect smile and laughter...and always handle them with care... so that one day, when i have to hand them over to God, i want to make sure that they had the perfect life that they deserved.and this is certainly one scrapbook that i want to make sure...is the best~
**ps
guilty!!of not blogging for a long time!and blogging nonsense stuff!been busy readjusting to life back in jatinangor after nice hols..!huu~
Monday, 24 August 2009
of badak berendam and mangkuk tingkat
Assalamualaikum and a happy ramadhan to everyone i know...
aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.
Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!
Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.
And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~
(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)
PS:
yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.
Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)
i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .
aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.
Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!
Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.
And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~
(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)
PS:
yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.
Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)
i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .
Friday, 21 August 2009
back in business!
haha!told you it would be way loonng before i wrote again...i just came back from a terrific vacation in aussie!!and i really really miss my cousins already...awww...!ive got tons to tell, but it'll have to wait until im in the house in perak...
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
updates since 24/7
im back in malaysia since the day i turned 22! owh how old i feel and how uncomfortable i am in this very stinky cyber cafe. theres no internet connection in our house in kajang, and thats where i would be for this whole week.
lots of nice things happened since i came back home, kakak drove all the way to kajang from johor to celebrate my birthday! i would really love to upload some nice pics of what we did but as i said, i am stuck here..
mom wanted dim sum so we went to eat at this chinese restaurant in equatorial hotel, unfortunately, the person we called did not mention that they only served dim sums for lunch..so we just ate normal food of steak and sandwiches,but i ate the buffet...haha...reminds me of my childhood days when mom would bring us there for breakfast and lunch as she was busy with work in bangi..
anyway..can i update on that later? seriously...trhis place is soo stinky!!..
huhu
but probably ill not update for quite some time...maybe in 2 weeks..maybe in a month...im not sure yet...t
take care!i miss the comfort of internet at home,..wuwuwuw
Friday, 24 July 2009
Monday, 20 July 2009
if someone prays....
ive been complaining about my cough for the last month, which was very bad i might add. The reason why my cough continued even more than my other friends who suffered the same episode was that i come from a family who has asthma. The doctor who checked on me the other day told me that even if one does not have asthma, but have family members who do, they will have a prolonged coughing episode...i see~
First of all, i would like to apologize AGAIN for not updating my blog as frequently as i used to. hey, even my room is messy nowadays. argh...
anyway...i was watching evan almighty while half studying with my eyes closed yesterday. Ive watched it before, but had nothing better to do as i sat in front of the idiot box.actually, Evan almighty was found not to be suitable for the muslim audience as it contained scenes nearing to blasphemy and the likes. but then again, theres this saying that goes, take what is good and leave the bad, and that is what i did when i watched this particular movie.
if any of you watched it, you would probably have heard this line that i would like to share with you:
If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?
If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?
If someone prayed for their family to be closer,you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
it means alot doesnt it, see, i told you not all that is bad IS bad. anyway, that night, after quite some time of not doing so, i opened my Quran and flipped to the last page that i had read before. i had finally reached surah Yaasin after so long, and so that night, i read the verses with a bottle of water in front of me as my habit when reading the quran. (not for any purposes, but just my throat gets parched easily). As i recited the last words one by one, i was getting ready for a bout of cough, and gulped down to the last drop the bottle of water in front of me.
Guess what, until today...my cough which had been torturing me for one month ..has finally gone away as the last droplets of water that night entered my throat. can i say its a miracle, maybe.....
i prayed to God to make me well, i complained to Him not to make me sick, not to burden me especially at this time. I fretted and frowned at every cough, every sneeze, every high temperature. I talked to Him every night before i sleep that if he could just make me well again, i would pray to him with even more zest.everyday i would tell him i would appreciate it very much if he took my painful cough away..and then i stopped to think...
IF I PRAYED TO BE CLOSER TO GOD, DO YOU THINK GOD GIVES ME CLOSENESS....OR DOES HE GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE CLOSE TO HIM~
thats deep~..you see, i have based my whole life on this particular sentence, that everything happens for a reason..no matter how bad that something is..i guess its true..hmm, this is kind of an abrupt entry as im still finding my momentum on blogging! hope you liked this, toodles...and i am coming back to the blogging world! =)
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